We have reached the end of the year. And what a year it has been! Full of surprises and life changing experiences. I am sure everyone has had at least one experience that must have changed their course of life. This is a piece of written work I am going to have no pleasure in writing. For, this involves my experiences in this year. And one thing I hate writing about is my troubles. And frankly, this year was undoubtedly on of the most turbulent years I've ever had. I shall try to make it as brief as possible.
The year began with a realization that the board exams were just a mere two months away. Now, those of you who know me also know of my particular characteristic of "not studying" and "sleeping" almost whenever deep studies are involved. I just could not help it. Studies just did not intrigue me. It did not interest me so I did not bother. Then February came, and came the first signs of my inevitable state. I began to fall sick, vomiting, nausea, cramps etc. Nothing too serious but still disturbing. The visits to the doctor brought no avail. Then in March the board exams started, the first three were fairly uneventful. The last two were equally hellish. I was sick for most of the study holidays. By gods grace the day before exams and exam days I felt better and somehow covered up. It was the first time I truly regretted my "no study" policy. The exam finally finished on March 17. Next three days were blissful. On the fourth I was admitted in the hospital. On the fifth my world was turned upside down. On sixth I was in India.
My sickness during exam was considered "exam fear". For those who truly know me would say "bullcrap", just as I did. But, when my sickness did not go away even after the exam, my parents were inclined to take me to the hospital. It was late and after subsequent blood tests I was allowed to sleep. On next day I found out I had renal failure. In layman's term my kidneys had stopped working or were in the process. My parents took the decision of going to India for further treatment. And I was on the next plane to Mumbai.
How this happened I do not know. To cut a long story short. It might have been a slow process which might have started a long time back but suddenly for some reason the process sped up. Again, no idea. It could have also been an infection. The doctors had no idea of the source.
In India, the tests began. Heavy medicines were given-steroids, immunosuppressents and a range of other covering medicines. After which I was set up for a particularly distasteful procedure of Kidney Biopsy. Fat as I was my kidneys were deeper than normal range, so the biopsy was particularly difficult. In Biopsy a long needle gun is put through your back "Plop" and the end reaches the kidney and with one gun shot sound a small sample of kidney tissue is removed and the needle is removed "Plop" again. Well, it does not make the plop sound. But it makes the whole thing more bearable. After examination of those tissues I knew the name of the disease. It was a triumph of science but I could not care less nor would you as the treatment was still the same. Its name was Rapidly Progressive Glomerular Nephritis or RPGN. And it was eating away both my kidneys. What this thing does is pushes your immune system to purge your kidney. In essence your body is your kidneys enemy. So, they give the immunosuppressents. Its called an auto-immune disorder. A minor surgery was performed in my hand to prepare me for dialysis(a process of purification of blood by passing it through a machine) "in case" my kidneys failed. A shunt was made on my wrist to increase the rate of blood flow. You are awake in the operation and its 45 minutes long. Using local anesthesia an artery and a vein is joined. Its not fun, but it is not that bad.
The hospital food was dreadful and the whole kidney problem had totally deteriorated my taste buds owing to high toxicity in my body. Plus my diet was highly restricted. No salt, no chili, less oil, no saturated fats, no fruits and selected vegetables. This was truly a hellish time, for I cherish food. I relish its every bite. Every taste brings a sensation that cannot be described in words. A day before my birthday I was discharged and my treatment was to be continued at home. My birthday was a flowery one. I was showered with bouquets so you must understand my "excitement". So passed my highly ironic "uneventful" 18th birthday.
The medicines greatly decreased my immunity and I immediately caught Cholitis. It was not at all fun. Diarrhea with a lot of pain. And I was back in hospital in less than four days. But in the process my shunt failed and new one had to be put. That was done too. In a matter of a week I was discharged and I moved to a flat at beach side on 5th floor in Mumbai, where the treatment was continued for the next one month. Bought a computer, but had lost interest. Bought some books, but did not read them. The medicines were showing their side effects. Not pretty. The food was still as bad as it could get but better than hospital. Since there was no improvement, the course of medicines was changed. And for one more month I was given a different set of the same medicines. In other words I was given Milka instead of Dairy Milk. By now it was May something. I had acquired a nasty cough. It persisted. By May 19 my kidneys deteriorated and I was admitted to hospital. A different one this time. By now my sputum had blood. A new problem had come up.
By now the doctor felt it was time to start dialysis. My shunt had not developed that well but still it was thought to be "workable". In dialysis 2 needles are inserted in your hand one to take blood and pass through the machine and other to bring it back. I thought "Well, things cant get worse" but just as in movies when stuff like this is said things do get worse. In dialysis the needle went out of the vein and spread blood under my tissues leading to haematoma which gave my hand a black color from elbow to shoulder. So, now the shunt though still working was essentially useless.
At this same time, the doctor had another worry, that of my lungs. Obviously, blood in sputum was not a good sign. On the third day the doctor shared his suspicions, that the lung problem might be an auto-immune disorder. My first reaction was "Okay! Now Its goodbye!". Think about it. Kidneys gone, lungs going. Who you going to bet on?
The treatment was started. Higher dosage of medicines. And plasmapheresis- a process of removing all antibodies during dialysis. Now, since the shunt was useless they had to put a catheter in my thigh vein. Again, not a fun process. But, my condition seemed to get worse. Now, the doctor was confused. Blood works were done for all possibilities-fungus, protozoa, bacteria-you name it. All tests were inconclusive. It had been almost 10 days. And my condition was not improving. So he started his trail and error. You must understand, if this was indeed auto immune there was no problem the immunosuppressents could cure it. But, if it is not the auto immune medicines were killing me. Because without immunity my body was an open invitation for the infections. So, the doctor was giving a balanced "diet" of medicines. By 20 days I was declared "critical". I was as close to death as I could get. But I was not informed of it then. For which I have ambivalent feelings. Then the doctor upon the advice of one of the best lung surgeons did a bronchoscopy. One of the most uncomfortable procedures you can go through. And it was found it was a virus-CMV. It had attacked my lungs. So, medicines were started and I was up and moving in a week. A lot of other tests were carried out to find out if the CMV had affected any other parts. They were again not so comfortable. Luckily, I did not have any more problems. I was in the hospital for a month. My young age saved me. Had I been 40 or older. Well, you definitely would not be reading this. And finally, discharged, I returned home by June 23.
By now, my hand was not that black and was turning a shade of red. And my shunt could be used. Now, there was no chance for the kidneys. It was irreversible. Dialysis was to be done 3 times a week 4 hours at a stretch. Transplant was inevitable. After a month, I went to Singapore to consult with a doctor. It was decided that we would get the transplant done in Singapore. And his advice was to wait for 2 months for my body to recuperate from the infection. So the next 2 months the search for a suitable donor began. First, among close family members and then a bit far off ones. My mum and dad were not suitable. Luckily my long distance uncle was a good match and he agreed to give me his kidney. For which I'll be ever grateful.
The only good thing about dialysis was that the medicines were stopped and I felt better. I could eat at least normal food. During early times Mihir, one my best friend, used to come, until his college started. I was thankful for that. Then, my cousin Rishit used to come. I am again indebted. Also Shannik,another one of my good friends used to come even though she had college. I thank them all for giving me company for those four hours. Sometimes my uncles, other cousins used to come. I thank them too. Chirag, my cousin used to spend the nights when I was in the hospital and again all I can say is thanks. I thank all of you guys for supporting me through this problem.
Somewhere, in between, for a break I had gone to Dubai. There Jeffrey, another one of my best friend, used to accompany me to dialysis. In all, all these people made the time easier to pass by. It is truly amazing that in times of distress people matter the most. Also, during the time of distress God is your only hope of salvation. It is during this period that I stumbled upon the power of prayer. My breath is the proof of this.
After coming back from Dubai in a month or two I was off to Singapore with my mum, dad, aunt and uncle. These are the people I am thankful for most. For they have been with me since the beginning. Even before leaving there was a small scare. I contracted a viral fever. But that passed. I reached Singapore on October 24. On November 3 I had my operation. By November 17 I was discharged. By December 1st week I was fit as ever. I am still in Singapore. My after transplant medicines are being adjusted constantly. They are for life time. So a nice balance needs to be maintained before I go back to Dubai. So, I am here till February mid. Exactly a year would have passed when I reach Dubai.
Now, I am doing fine. Exercising an hour a day. Reading. And passing time away as I want to. This was my year of 2006. Not a great one. But still truly life changing. And a lot of things were learned. Things that school does not teach you. Things which are invaluable. Its true what they say, the real world is truly different. Now its the end of the year and I can say quite enthusiastically "I am doing great!".
I hope you are not as bored as I am. Its truly boring to read about someone else's problems. If this year had turned out differently I would have been writing about college, parties, new friends, career etc etc. It would have been a more fun read. And I would also enjoy writing it. But fate has its own wicked games, does'nt it? All we can do is face it and move on. Thats what I did. Thats what I am doing. And thats what I'll do next year.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Killing Spree
Suicide. An act which according to many religions is direct one way ticket to hell. This is a topic which comes up many times in numerous conversations. People have contradicting views on suicide. Are the people who kill themselves cowards or are the greatest models of unrivaled bravery?
Death is undoubtedly the number one fear. Every human being at one point of time is scared of death. So, are these suicidees(a coined term for convenience) really so courageous that they conquer the number one human fear? This question is truly bewildering. Personally, it does not matter whether these suicidees are plain rats or heroes of the world. For me they are nothing but murderers, Weapons Of Mass Destruction who for their own personal ends have ended the existence of millions gazillions of souls.
WMD's!!!You must think I have gone crazy. But there is truth in this in the deepest most profound sense which we know but never realize.
Let me put it in a sentence and elaborate on it later "When you kill yourself, in essence you have destroyed the existence of more than 1000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 raised to the same number of souls"
Now you must think "Where in the heck did this freak come to this conclusion?". I shall of course answer this. It may be convincing if you change your idea of existence to cover a broader spectrum.
Let me begin with the beginning of life on earth, yes, life on earth. Have you considered what precision, what perfection it must have taken for life to prosper on our tiny planet earth. For the big bang to take place, for the solar system to form, for the earth to be just at the right distance, for some supernovas to take place, for stars to shine, for no other cosmic disturbances, for a comet as big as mars to come hit the earth at the correct time and give rise to the moon, for a number of meteorites, heavenly bodies to collide and bring several life sustaining chemicals, for the core, mantle and crust to be formed, for the first cyanobacteria to be formed. The probability is unimaginable!!!
Now, the story does not stop here. Now its time to move from small to big. For the cyanobacteria to be exist it took the right carbon compounds, the right amino acids, the rite chemicals. Then, these cyanobacteria evolves, slowly steadily, into more complex organisms. For the formation of such complex organisms, proteins are formed. To form the right proteins it is a game of probability in epic proportions. Let me give an example, to produce one essential proteins it is required to have a chain of 1055 amino acids in just the right link up. In other words, you have to get all 7 on a slot machine having 1055 screens to win a gamble of one protein! Now, you require several such proteins in the process of evolution. Even if one such protein gone berserk would endanger our very existence, since proteins essentially give DNA. One mistake and we may end up having one too many legs! Now, all said and done, first human is born. You must think "Phew! Thats over with!". But you are gravely mistaken. Here comes another set of mishaps. Not as exponentially huge as the previous two epics, but enough to add some 5-10 "zero's" in the probability figures. The probability of your existence is still meek, your ancestors were lucky enough not to be killed by the harsh conditions over the next 15000-20000 years. Thats more than 400 generations. The right mate, the right genetic make up, the right environmental conditions over the next 400 plus generations finally gave rise to a wonderful, beautiful baby-YOU!
I do not know what force, what divine presence gave rise to such a probability and finally gave me, you, all of us living a chance to exist, to breathe, to live. We have been chosen over more than millions trillions gazillions suitable candidates who could have been in our place. But, fate had other plans and we were allowed to pass through the gateway of life.
Now, coming back, all these suicidees when they kill themselves not only take their own life but have taken away the chance of so many souls who could have been in their place, who could have done something better, who were not given the chance to exist. Is this not injustice? Is this not mass murder of hopes, dreams, aspirations, souls as a whole. Is this not a hellish act, condemning so many for the need of one?
It is not only suicide that I condemn. I also feel people who waste their life away slowly killing themselves over time are in a way the "little" suicidees. For, they are wasting away the gift of life. A gift so precious that we could not possibly perceive. It is beyond our purview of prescience. It is truly the most wonderful, beautiful, astounding and the least understood phenomenon-LIFE!!!
One more thing that the suicidees and the "little" suicidees do is devastate their loved ones. Many of who spent the rest of their of life in despair taking away their purpose of life. Destroying all their hopes and dreams. Some of these people are so disheartened that they are nothing but empty shells. Now, the suicidees have condemned the destiny of even more humans and the souls connected to these humans.
So, all you suicides when you think of killing yourselves, remember how many people you are, though not literally, killing. Its as if you are a walking talking hydrogen bomb set loose in the spirit world. With its aftershocks reverberating in the real world on your loved ones. You are literally on a killing spree. You think "I am not hurting anyone else!". Think again.
Just to give you an idea how rampant the suicidees have become, let me give the statistics of 2004 by WHO-Almost 1 Million people kill themselves every year, almost double the number of people who die by homicide(500,000) and almost four times the number that die by war(230,000).
So does it really matter if these suicidees are brave or cowards? Does this question really hold any importance considering the havoc they cause? Is this even mildly relevant?
Its unto us to decide whether we want to bring purpose to our life or destroy it and obliterate 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 raised to 1000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 souls in the process. Its a responsibility that is part of gift of life. Lets respect that and live happily.
Death is undoubtedly the number one fear. Every human being at one point of time is scared of death. So, are these suicidees(a coined term for convenience) really so courageous that they conquer the number one human fear? This question is truly bewildering. Personally, it does not matter whether these suicidees are plain rats or heroes of the world. For me they are nothing but murderers, Weapons Of Mass Destruction who for their own personal ends have ended the existence of millions gazillions of souls.
WMD's!!!You must think I have gone crazy. But there is truth in this in the deepest most profound sense which we know but never realize.
Let me put it in a sentence and elaborate on it later "When you kill yourself, in essence you have destroyed the existence of more than 1000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 raised to the same number of souls"
Now you must think "Where in the heck did this freak come to this conclusion?". I shall of course answer this. It may be convincing if you change your idea of existence to cover a broader spectrum.
Let me begin with the beginning of life on earth, yes, life on earth. Have you considered what precision, what perfection it must have taken for life to prosper on our tiny planet earth. For the big bang to take place, for the solar system to form, for the earth to be just at the right distance, for some supernovas to take place, for stars to shine, for no other cosmic disturbances, for a comet as big as mars to come hit the earth at the correct time and give rise to the moon, for a number of meteorites, heavenly bodies to collide and bring several life sustaining chemicals, for the core, mantle and crust to be formed, for the first cyanobacteria to be formed. The probability is unimaginable!!!
Now, the story does not stop here. Now its time to move from small to big. For the cyanobacteria to be exist it took the right carbon compounds, the right amino acids, the rite chemicals. Then, these cyanobacteria evolves, slowly steadily, into more complex organisms. For the formation of such complex organisms, proteins are formed. To form the right proteins it is a game of probability in epic proportions. Let me give an example, to produce one essential proteins it is required to have a chain of 1055 amino acids in just the right link up. In other words, you have to get all 7 on a slot machine having 1055 screens to win a gamble of one protein! Now, you require several such proteins in the process of evolution. Even if one such protein gone berserk would endanger our very existence, since proteins essentially give DNA. One mistake and we may end up having one too many legs! Now, all said and done, first human is born. You must think "Phew! Thats over with!". But you are gravely mistaken. Here comes another set of mishaps. Not as exponentially huge as the previous two epics, but enough to add some 5-10 "zero's" in the probability figures. The probability of your existence is still meek, your ancestors were lucky enough not to be killed by the harsh conditions over the next 15000-20000 years. Thats more than 400 generations. The right mate, the right genetic make up, the right environmental conditions over the next 400 plus generations finally gave rise to a wonderful, beautiful baby-YOU!
I do not know what force, what divine presence gave rise to such a probability and finally gave me, you, all of us living a chance to exist, to breathe, to live. We have been chosen over more than millions trillions gazillions suitable candidates who could have been in our place. But, fate had other plans and we were allowed to pass through the gateway of life.
Now, coming back, all these suicidees when they kill themselves not only take their own life but have taken away the chance of so many souls who could have been in their place, who could have done something better, who were not given the chance to exist. Is this not injustice? Is this not mass murder of hopes, dreams, aspirations, souls as a whole. Is this not a hellish act, condemning so many for the need of one?
It is not only suicide that I condemn. I also feel people who waste their life away slowly killing themselves over time are in a way the "little" suicidees. For, they are wasting away the gift of life. A gift so precious that we could not possibly perceive. It is beyond our purview of prescience. It is truly the most wonderful, beautiful, astounding and the least understood phenomenon-LIFE!!!
One more thing that the suicidees and the "little" suicidees do is devastate their loved ones. Many of who spent the rest of their of life in despair taking away their purpose of life. Destroying all their hopes and dreams. Some of these people are so disheartened that they are nothing but empty shells. Now, the suicidees have condemned the destiny of even more humans and the souls connected to these humans.
So, all you suicides when you think of killing yourselves, remember how many people you are, though not literally, killing. Its as if you are a walking talking hydrogen bomb set loose in the spirit world. With its aftershocks reverberating in the real world on your loved ones. You are literally on a killing spree. You think "I am not hurting anyone else!". Think again.
Just to give you an idea how rampant the suicidees have become, let me give the statistics of 2004 by WHO-Almost 1 Million people kill themselves every year, almost double the number of people who die by homicide(500,000) and almost four times the number that die by war(230,000).
So does it really matter if these suicidees are brave or cowards? Does this question really hold any importance considering the havoc they cause? Is this even mildly relevant?
Its unto us to decide whether we want to bring purpose to our life or destroy it and obliterate 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 raised to 1000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 souls in the process. Its a responsibility that is part of gift of life. Lets respect that and live happily.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
A Word On Individualism
Individuals. The word itself brings a sense of uniqueness. Something different. Something special. One. It singles out.
Who truly can be called an individualist? One who creates something new? One who brings new ideas? One who influences many? One who lives on his own terms? Or one who is a true and pure form of ego.
I would be lying if I say that I, in one brilliant moment, decided to write about a topic such as this. No. I got this idea when I was reading a book. Some of you must have read the book. Its The Fountainhead-Ayn Rand. The book is a war between an individual, a heroic soul, a creator versus the collective society of second handers. I shall continue to use the word used by the author as it truly sums up the character of the collective society.
Second handers, the people who live solely for the society. In true sense, a selfless soul. You may say "Why? Being selfless is a great virtue!". Yes, in its essence it does good for the general humanity. But in doing so, the individuals are being ground to dust. From the dawn of time, take Prometheus for example who brought fire from the gods and gave it to humans. What became of him? Tied down to a rock with his liver on a silver platter for the birds. Apart from ancient greek mythology, take any great scientist, intellectual, artist, individual. They have always been persecuted by the great society. Disdained, hated, belittled, pushed. Whether it be Newton, Aristotle, Plato anyone who has shown the desire to be different, to be above the masses, to excel, to reach the heights that others cant even perceive, they have been shunned by the collectives, the second handers.
I have pondered on this subject for some time. Not much. But definitely enough to give my own views. Who are these second handers I've been writing about? Let me give a clear picture. They are the people you meet everyday, the mediocre, the average, the people who live by what others perceive. Your Tom, Dick and Harry. They lay importance on their stature, outlook, position in the society. They do what is expected of them. I may be one. You. Or anyone. The masses as a whole. Do not be under the delusion that this would exclude kings, dictators, power hungry mongrels. They are the worst of all. For their entity is based on the people. Without the peoples attention they would be nothing. In sense the masses, society, the general public form the collective soul of second handers.
Why would these second handers hurt the individualist? These people who are trying to improve the world through their talents? For this first let me explain about individuals. They are the true and only form of self. They respect themselves beyond anyone else. They worship their work, their talent, their mind, their souls, which is theirs only. No man can think for the other. No one can eat for another. No one can sell their soul in place of another. They believe in themselves above anything. Some of you may call this nothing short of arrogance. But, what you must try to understand is that such people do not care what you may think. For them you are nothing but a part of the wall. I am a stone. The worlds a stage and they are the only players. There is no one else. We are all equivalents to stone, tree, soil, anything, but objects of their interest. They worship their work, their passion, their soul. They work to perfection, a perfection that is their perfection, not ours. They wont rest until they reach their standard of perfection. What you, I or anyone say or do is inconsequential to them.
Now, coming back. Why would the masses hurt these heroes? These people who bring creativity to the world? I could think of only one answer: Fear. Fear of change, fear of a different way of life, fear of the exaltation the creator would experience when he would complete his conquest. They do not want to accept novelty. They wont. The society tries to break such individuals. Many a time they succeed. But, you can break the person but not his soul, his soul is his work. Eventually the society accepts the work. It takes the gift. Its a never ending war. And only the brave survive.
The individuals who are the true and pure form of ego. Ego, the strong feeling of oneself. There is no one other than themselves. They live for themselves and themselves alone. The second handers, the true but not pure form of selflessness. These altruists who live based on the perception of the masses. So contradictory, I've delineated the hero, the stereotypical selfless soul as an egotistical maniac and the masses, the one usually considered the true form of selfishness as a selfless altruistic soul as the villain. The individuals here suffer, the masses bring the suffering. I do not know how many of you would agree to this point. But a true individual would bear all the pain in the world to see his work erected in this world. It'll be a tribute to himself, his mind, his talent, his soul. For which he can sacrifice anything.
In the end, for a true individual, it does not matter what the society does or says. He has his work and his mind and he'll work to his end. So, does it really matter Who here is the villain, who the hero?Who the evil and who the good? Does it matter whether the collective souls bring suffering to the individuals? Does it matter why? All we know is as long as such individuals are born, the world will always see a new dawn, a novelty which pushes men to move forward, a world where freedom is truly understood and respected.
Who truly can be called an individualist? One who creates something new? One who brings new ideas? One who influences many? One who lives on his own terms? Or one who is a true and pure form of ego.
I would be lying if I say that I, in one brilliant moment, decided to write about a topic such as this. No. I got this idea when I was reading a book. Some of you must have read the book. Its The Fountainhead-Ayn Rand. The book is a war between an individual, a heroic soul, a creator versus the collective society of second handers. I shall continue to use the word used by the author as it truly sums up the character of the collective society.
Second handers, the people who live solely for the society. In true sense, a selfless soul. You may say "Why? Being selfless is a great virtue!". Yes, in its essence it does good for the general humanity. But in doing so, the individuals are being ground to dust. From the dawn of time, take Prometheus for example who brought fire from the gods and gave it to humans. What became of him? Tied down to a rock with his liver on a silver platter for the birds. Apart from ancient greek mythology, take any great scientist, intellectual, artist, individual. They have always been persecuted by the great society. Disdained, hated, belittled, pushed. Whether it be Newton, Aristotle, Plato anyone who has shown the desire to be different, to be above the masses, to excel, to reach the heights that others cant even perceive, they have been shunned by the collectives, the second handers.
I have pondered on this subject for some time. Not much. But definitely enough to give my own views. Who are these second handers I've been writing about? Let me give a clear picture. They are the people you meet everyday, the mediocre, the average, the people who live by what others perceive. Your Tom, Dick and Harry. They lay importance on their stature, outlook, position in the society. They do what is expected of them. I may be one. You. Or anyone. The masses as a whole. Do not be under the delusion that this would exclude kings, dictators, power hungry mongrels. They are the worst of all. For their entity is based on the people. Without the peoples attention they would be nothing. In sense the masses, society, the general public form the collective soul of second handers.
Why would these second handers hurt the individualist? These people who are trying to improve the world through their talents? For this first let me explain about individuals. They are the true and only form of self. They respect themselves beyond anyone else. They worship their work, their talent, their mind, their souls, which is theirs only. No man can think for the other. No one can eat for another. No one can sell their soul in place of another. They believe in themselves above anything. Some of you may call this nothing short of arrogance. But, what you must try to understand is that such people do not care what you may think. For them you are nothing but a part of the wall. I am a stone. The worlds a stage and they are the only players. There is no one else. We are all equivalents to stone, tree, soil, anything, but objects of their interest. They worship their work, their passion, their soul. They work to perfection, a perfection that is their perfection, not ours. They wont rest until they reach their standard of perfection. What you, I or anyone say or do is inconsequential to them.
Now, coming back. Why would the masses hurt these heroes? These people who bring creativity to the world? I could think of only one answer: Fear. Fear of change, fear of a different way of life, fear of the exaltation the creator would experience when he would complete his conquest. They do not want to accept novelty. They wont. The society tries to break such individuals. Many a time they succeed. But, you can break the person but not his soul, his soul is his work. Eventually the society accepts the work. It takes the gift. Its a never ending war. And only the brave survive.
The individuals who are the true and pure form of ego. Ego, the strong feeling of oneself. There is no one other than themselves. They live for themselves and themselves alone. The second handers, the true but not pure form of selflessness. These altruists who live based on the perception of the masses. So contradictory, I've delineated the hero, the stereotypical selfless soul as an egotistical maniac and the masses, the one usually considered the true form of selfishness as a selfless altruistic soul as the villain. The individuals here suffer, the masses bring the suffering. I do not know how many of you would agree to this point. But a true individual would bear all the pain in the world to see his work erected in this world. It'll be a tribute to himself, his mind, his talent, his soul. For which he can sacrifice anything.
In the end, for a true individual, it does not matter what the society does or says. He has his work and his mind and he'll work to his end. So, does it really matter Who here is the villain, who the hero?Who the evil and who the good? Does it matter whether the collective souls bring suffering to the individuals? Does it matter why? All we know is as long as such individuals are born, the world will always see a new dawn, a novelty which pushes men to move forward, a world where freedom is truly understood and respected.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Fancy A Read
This is I guess a first proper blog I've written. Now, I had to first understand what is blogging. The dictionary defines blog as " To write entries in, add material to, or maintain a web log"
So, I guess I've started blogging.
I dont know who is going to read this and who is not. All I know is I felt like writing so I did. This is how I do most things, I feel like doing something and walla, I do it. No Reason. No Purpose. I dont want to like most people, "voice my opinion", nor is my purpose "to present my views", all I want to do is write. And what better platform than the world wide web?
But, since every written work must have a purpose even if the author himself does not have a purpose, I must from time to time "express my views, ideas and opinions". But I urge everyone to still consider my first few blogs as a mere free fall into unchartered territory. Maybe over time I might get structure and purpose. But it is not now.
Now, I shall surely write something tomorrow. I guess I'll first write about some obscure topic. For the benefit of people I know and for those whom I could not keep in touch, I'll later write about my past few months when I disappeared.
Till then,
Take Control And Rock On
So, I guess I've started blogging.
I dont know who is going to read this and who is not. All I know is I felt like writing so I did. This is how I do most things, I feel like doing something and walla, I do it. No Reason. No Purpose. I dont want to like most people, "voice my opinion", nor is my purpose "to present my views", all I want to do is write. And what better platform than the world wide web?
But, since every written work must have a purpose even if the author himself does not have a purpose, I must from time to time "express my views, ideas and opinions". But I urge everyone to still consider my first few blogs as a mere free fall into unchartered territory. Maybe over time I might get structure and purpose. But it is not now.
Now, I shall surely write something tomorrow. I guess I'll first write about some obscure topic. For the benefit of people I know and for those whom I could not keep in touch, I'll later write about my past few months when I disappeared.
Till then,
Take Control And Rock On
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